2005-01-13
a bump.....more like a pothole
Well diary, I am back on that emotional roller coaster that I thought I would never ride again. I think I might be losing someone so very special to me. I can blame no one but myself.
I can't really put my finger on how I manage to say all the wrong things Or how I say things that I think the other wants to hear. I have been told that I have no backbone. This is true. I think my fear for the worst causes me to freeze up and act as if the worst has already happened. I haven't managed to find a cure for this yet. If you know a good shrink, let me know. I really think I could benefit.
So,this person, this friend, I have almost lost. They are my breath of fresh air and have been for a while. I don't know what I would do, if I were to actually lose them. I think a part of me would die. We have grown so close, and I think it is safe to say that my friend has taken the time to get to know me better than most. It hurts to know that I have let them down on a number of occasions. I also hurts to know that this person could find better friendship elsewhere and that I should be more careful.
I should listen better. I should get a better grip on the sensitivity thing. I am beginning to think I should also get a grip on a bottle of zoloft. Nah, just kidding. I do feel as if I have lost my mind at times though. I want so much to be the best I can be for this person, however this is hard when there are so many others that I love as well. Uh oh, here comes that "trying to please everyone" monster.
Seriously, there has to be some sort of cure for this. Not to mention the horrible stomach ache I have right now. Oh, and does a cucumber on the eyes, really reduce the puffiness. I seriously need a major makeover.
Anywho, I just had these things on my mind and no one to talk to about them. So, here I am. I really think I need help. I knew I might have some slight problems and I actually warned my friend. Unfortunately, it was more than they bargained for.
Hopefully, we will be able to get past this bump in the road. I pray that we will. I just hope they are as hopeful as I.
Maybe tomorrow will bring beautiful and wonderful things to write about. I sure hope so. I was doing so well with my upbeat demeanor. What happened?
Love until later,
d
lolamae at 11:41 p.m.